I Hope to Start Living, so as Not to Be a Ghost

by Jane Tawel

Erik Muller- Unsplash

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I Hope to Start Living, so as Not to Be a Ghost

By Jane Tawel

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I am not in denial,

I just want to live.

And yet I choose death daily –

Not the good kind of death,

Not like the monks or saints —

Not like Jesus’ advise to take up my cross —

Not the kind of death that leads to Eternal Life.

No, I choose the kind of daily death,

that keeps me from being aware

of Where I am

What I am

Who I am

Why I am

When I am — because when I am

can only be Now,

and yet — Alas!

I prefer

the pains of the past

and the fears of the future

just of course,

in order to give my ego

something to think about.

If I didn’t prefer not to live in the Beautiful Now,